Talking to Others about your Cancer

It can be difficult to talk to friends, family, and co-workers about your cancer. Some people simply choose not to do so, allowing others to do it for them. Still others are afraid to open the waves of communication about their disease. They fear they'll cry or otherwise lose control of their emotions, making them look weak or frightened. Other meso patients are afraid their friends and family members will react in that same manner, crying or showing extreme emotion, and the patient just isn't sure they'll know how to handle that sort of reaction.

Choosing who to tell about your cancer and when to tell them is entirely up to the patient and may depend on a lot of factors. Usually, if the meso victim chooses not to tell, it's because they don't want to be treated differently now that word of their disease is out. Others just believe that it's a personal situation to be kept between themselves and their families. Be aware, however, that co-workers, friends, and extended family will probably eventually figure out that something is amiss, especially given impending changes in your physical condition or appearance. Even if you don't want to talk about your cancer in the beginning, you may want to do so as the disease progresses, just to stop the rumor mill and set the record straight.

Talking to Children or Grandchildren

If you have young children or grandchildren, you may be wondering whether or not you or someone close to you should talk with them about your disease. Kids are smarter than you think and usually figure out quite quickly that there's a problem. After all, the patient undergoes changes in attitude and appearance and those surrounding the patient are suddenly acting differently as well. Young children are attuned to those sorts of sudden changes.

Most psychologists agree that talking about your cancer with the young children close to you is a good idea, but they acknowledge that if it's too difficult for you to do, it's okay if another family member speaks with them. Very young children, of course, simply won't understand the specifics, but they will understand explanations such as "Grandpa is sick and won't always be able to do the things he used to do with you," or "Daddy is losing his hair because he's taking medicine to help him feel better." These changes can be frightening for children, but accompanied by a reasonable explanation, they tend not to be so bad. Remember, it's important not to instill fear in the child, feeding them only as much as they can handle at one time. Of course, when a loved one is nearing death, what is told to children or grandchildren may depend on your religious beliefs. Sometimes it's good to contact a trusted clergyperson who can help children understand end-of-life issues. Another good reason to be honest with children is so they don't hear about the illness from a well-meaning friend or family member who happens to "slip" and reveal info about the disease and its outcome.

Sexuality

For many cancer patients, sex is the furthest thing from their mind. For others, it's an opportunity to feel comforted and close to the person they love the most. How you view your sexuality after your cancer diagnosis is very personal, but it's important to understand that things will most certainly change. While you're feeling sick and during your treatments, you may simply not be interested in sex or you may not have the stamina needed to have sex. It's important to talk about this with your partner to be sure that they don't have other expectations. Most will be very understanding. Take advantages of the time you do feel well to be close to your partner. You may need to be a little more creative about your sexual relations, choosing new positions that are more comfortable or making other changes that will be less taxing on the person in the weakened state.

Changes in appearance have a lot to do with changes in sexual attitude. If you're losing your hair or have lost a lot of weight, you may be hesitant to be intimate with your partner for fear that you "look bad" or that he/she won't find you attractive. Again, most partners/spouses are very understanding about these issues. However, if it's a problem for you, try dimming the lights or, if you're a female, indulging in some sexy lingerie that covers part of your body but also makes you feel pretty. You may eventually find that the experience of having sex with the person you love, even if it's different than what you did before, will make you feel better, even if only for a short time. Being in someone else's loving arms is always a positive thing!